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There is a poem by Rachel Field called “Something Told the Wild Geese” in which she depicts the way nature responds to its own silent calls. For example: the geese know when it’s winter and begin to fly south. How — we don’t know, or maybe an ornithologist does, but in any case, it is through some imperceptible chain of signals, and the birds’ compliance is perfect, and complete.
How do we train ourselves to trust our instincts?
There have been several situations in my personal life in this past week or two — some related to my children, some to my work, some to — of all things — my dental health — that have asked me to call on my own instincts. One of the fatiguing realities of being an adult is advocating for yourself, and constantly — because no one else will. No one’s going to fix the mischarged bill, or intervene to settle an unfairness that’s befallen your child at school, or tell you: “Jen, that dentist’s recommendation doesn’t seem quite right to me — I’m going to find you someone else.” Life asks us to suit up, and constantly. It can be such a drag. I often think: but I don’t want to figure out how to get a second opinion; I’d rather not jump through 22 hoops to negotiate a refund. My Dad recently told me that he was billed twice for something at his doctor’s office, and rather than spend the unpleasant time sorting it out, he just paid the $58 twice and let it go. I think a part of that is his grasp on the value of his time, and a part of that is the accretive exhaustion of facing 80 years of these inconveniences.
But setting aside the way in which life can occasionally make us feel like Sisyphus, rolling that damned rock up the mountain day after day, I am interested in this matter of training myself to listen to my instincts. It can be alarmingly easy for me to overwrite them, especially when I do not want to offend or upset an involved party. Even seeking a second opinion on that dental matter required non-trivial thought. It was first — “that doesn’t seem right,” and then a talking-over with my husband, and my mother. And then the elaborate process of finding a different dentist, and making my way into his schedule, and then explaining the entire situation, meanwhile half-wondering to myself: “Am I making an enormous amount of noise for no reason?” But then – I was correct. This second dentist thought the first was off-base and the more I reflected on it, the more I noticed other signals from the first dentist’s office that corroborated this view. For example, he had insisted I come in every 4 months for a cleaning instead of 6 months when the facts reflect that I have not a cavity in years and have never needed more than two cleanings a year. More pressingly, I doubt insurance would pay for three visits a year. Then there was the fact that he had a lot of paraphernalia in his office reflecting some sort of patented dental gear that I’m sure he would have tried to sell me down the road. These are such ridiculous specifics but I guess I want to say all of those signals were worth noting, and together informed a valid view that I was being taken for a ride. Thank God I listened. Otherwise I would have spent thousands of dollars refilling teeth that needed no repair. And if that isn’t haunting…?
I’m writing this down today because tomorrow, or next week, or two months from now, I will be quietly going about my business when another Proteus will appear before me, liquid and elusive, and I will need to remind myself to listen to my own silent calls.
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If you notice an increase in my references to mythology, forgive me; I am making my way through Edith Hamilton’s poetic tome on the gods as a part of some research for the fictional project that has been consuming a good deal of my creative energy lately. For some reason, this description of The Graiae delighted me: “The Graiae were their sisters, three gray women who had but one eye between them. They lived on the farther bank of the Ocean.”
I mean, this is a book waiting to be written! Three gray women that together see fully and apart cannot?! And who live in isolation? There is a good free-writing prompt.
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Sunday shopping poetry…
La Ligne is running its only sale of the year, and is a brand difficult to score at a discount — things are already flying but if you can grab this cashmere henley, please do! It’s one of my absolute favorites. And this scarlet red dress is perfect for holiday! If you are a first time customer, try code MAGPIE10 for an additional 10% off. // This chic red jacket reminds me of BA&SH, but much less expensive. // I don’t think I can resist this Anine Bing sweater. // Rag & Bone sent me these jeans and I’m in love (AND they’re 25% off, plus an extra 10% off with exclusive Magpie code RBBF10. They are stretchy but hold you in. They look GREAT with boots. // Tis the time of year when I lean on my glitziest Dorsey pieces — these earrings are in constant rotation, and great is this pendant you can layer onto your riviere for a different look? // I’m behind (!) and haven’t yet ordered holiday cards, but I am dialing in on this style from Kate Chambers. // Target’s holiday section is slaying! I love these glasses and these melamine plates — will use the latter to give neighbors/friends baked goods! // Just ordered a bunch of new seasonal candles from Linnea, including this “Tinsel” one — description: ginger, champagne, plum! Use MAGPIE10 for 10% off.
LA LIGNE PHILLIPA DRESS // DORSEY RIVIERE AND PENDANT // ANINE BING SWEATER // RAG AND BONE JEANS (25% OFF PLUS EXTRA 10% OFF WITH RBBF10) // DORSEY EARRINGS // KATE CHAMBERS HOLIDAY CARDS // TARGET MELAMINE PLATES AND GLASS TUMBLERS
Also – everything is on sale at J. Crew. I always place a smattering of orders around this time of year for gifts and little things to fill in the holiday dressing run of show. I’m right now loving this velvet bow for myself and my daughter, this cherry red cable knit as a giftable (or to layer over a slip skirt, or a pair of jeans, or a pair of jammies!), and this fair isle cardi in the blacks/whites to throw on with black faux leather pants or the Rag & Bone wide legs, or over an LBD, or or or! And of course now mini’s tartan dress is 50% off!