My friend Caroline shared a fabulous quote on her thoughtful Substack this week:
“The branches are heavy when the fruit is ripe.”
I’d been feeling a weight this week, and for many reasons, but let me focus narrowly on the pileup of responsibility since returning from vacation, and from the netherworld of submitting the first draft of my manuscript last month. I’ve been putting off so much, mumbling: “when I’m back in July…”; “after the book’s submitted…”; “when my siblings have left…” I’ve been doing just enough to swing (and barely) from branch to branch this past month. There has been no legato to it, no elegance — it’s been a free-armed, gasping grab to get by. I’ve dropped more balls than I can count; hopefully none prove to be glass.
As a result, most days this week, it has felt like I’ve not gotten my day “started” until one or two in the afternoon; the morning dissolves into a thousand administrative tasks (medical forms for school; new goggles for my son; logistics mapping for childcare while we’re out of town; returns; email and email and email; scheduling that damned annual OBGYN appointment) and suddenly I’m alone with my blank screen for the first time and I’m like a coy and nervous crush. “Oh, you again…let’s get acquainted, I guess?” And then there’s the whole courting ritual that must take place, and suddenly it’s six o’clock and what have I actually accomplished? And then I browbeat, or scuffle around my room in shades of frustration. How are there not more hours in the day? Who is sending me all these emails? The damned OBGYN appointment!
In short, I couldn’t have encountered the quote above at a better moment. Isn’t it incredible how that happens? There are words out there just waiting for you. There is writing that takes the exact shape of your need. The plum you’re going to eat next summer, etc.
Because now, carrying those words in my pocket like a talisman, I twist the kaleidoscope and think: “It’s heavy because of the weight of the good in your life.” A book! Kids who are healthy and thriving and in need of new goggles because they’ve outgrown their old ones, and we can afford them! There is nothing to begrudge. There is just the near-term pinch of getting through. The slight leadening of my footfall as I carry myself through this dense thicket. But there is also the promise of a solid bounty ahead, and surely that is enough to assuage or overlook the temporary discomfort. Bear down; move the dirt; onward — ! I’m just in a murky middle.
Shopping Break.
Above, wearing SoldOut NYC’s RSVP dress (15% off with MAGPIE15; so good and so comfortable — like wearing a tank top; bottom is a loose, airy poplin), my Loewe bag, Madewell sandals (a great look for less for Amanu), and a Jenni Kayne hat (sold out, similar here).
J. CREW SKIRT // JENNI KAYNE DRESS // ANTHROPOLOGIE MUG // KOALA ECO FRUIT AND VEG WASH // ACACIA PRODUCE BOWL (25% OFF WITH CODE FOURTH) // JENNI KAYNE SHORTS // DANSKO GARDENING CLOGS // ALTUZARRA KNOT TOTE (ON SALE IN WHITE HERE) // SCHOOLHOUSE STOOL
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