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Earlier this week, while I was putting my daughter to bed, she said: “Mama, I feel sad and I don’t know why.” I sat on the floor of her room with her and told her all the true things: that it’s OK to feel sad; that feeling sad is just one of many emotions that come and go, but that we’re still ourselves while experiencing them; that when I feel sad, I do things that make me feel comfortable. (I rolled out a child-appropriate version of my “taking care of myself as though sick” philosophy.) I would later find out she’d just watched “Inside Out” for the first time and Mr. Magpie and I think she was negotiating with its themes, trying them on for size, exploring their shapes, or perhaps having one of those “emotional touchstone” experiences that rocked her world. (Which – I’ll be honest, made me feel relieved? That this was film-generated rather than something else?) But I was also grateful for the prompt to talk about one of the biggest learnings of my life: that it’s healthful to sit with emotions, even the hard ones, and let them unfurl instead of immediately dismissing. In a way, aren’t emotions the flags at the end of the pole? “There’s something here, come see!” And you travel down to the bracket and find something there that’s worth looking at. The point of life is not to feel nothing. I’m not sure what the point is (ask me when I’m 80), but I know it’s not hiding from feelings.
This week, I had a few long talks with girlfriends who are navigating challenges of various kinds — relationship issues, career strains, motherhood trials. One of the themes that cropped up across them: How do you take care of yourself while in the middle of something hard? It can feel like there’s no room for self-care in those phases. You’re just surviving! But I was surprised (and then not, because these are wise, self-aware women) by the commonalities in their responses. Nearly all of them offered permutations of the following: 1) they take care of their bodies — go to bed early, prioritize fitness, drink water; 2) they take breaks wherever possible — a sick day from work, a long lunch, an extra hour of childcare; 3) they set/reinforce boundaries — one of them specifically said she turned down an extra work project; another one said she was very careful about what she agreed to do for a family gathering. Finally, and this one was implicit by virtue of their vulnerability in our conversation: 4) they open up instead of closing down. They talk through their feelings with trusted friends and loved ones. They look for love when they need it.
A good rubric for me to pocket the next time I’m in the midst of something — thought I’d share their sageness with you, too.
Onward —
*****
Also this week…so much to share from Aspen, CO!
+Long travel days — the kids were incredible. You can connect from Denver to Aspen but we got our car at DIA and drove the four hours. It’s a gorgeous (slightly scary) drive through Independence Pass (the Continental Divide!), but I think the next time we visit, we’ll connect. It’s a long last leg to drive. MVP from the trip: this travel journal that mini dutifully filled out every day (and even brought along with her to various excursions). These travel activity books (here, here) were also helpful during gate waits / waiting for bags, but on the plane, they mainly ate snacks and watched their iPads.
+Already waxed poetic about this, but you need this linen set ($50 off with ESCAPE). I’m obsessed with her. So comfortable for travel day, and then you can wear as separates while at the destination. (The white linen top is great with shorts – esp the boxer short trend! – and jeans; the pants are perfect over a swimsuit or with a black tank.)
+Aspen heaven! 45 in the morning; 75 at high noon. I’ll share a full post with all of our favorite haunts, activities, etc next week. I grew up spending the month of July here and not much has changed! A few highlights: morning Paradise Bakery runs; local brews; horse back riding at Maroon Bells (the most-photographed peaks in the US); rafting on the Colorado River; Snowmass Rodeo; Fourth of July Parade; lots of pool time; gondola to the top of Aspen Mountain; hike up Ute Trail; lunch at Ajax Tavern.
+I was deeply impressed with my children’s appetite for new adventures and stamina! We generally stick to a “one thing a day” rule — one major outing per day — but there were a couple of days where we wedged two in there, and they did great! I was reminded on this trip of the adage: “We tend to underestimate our children’s physical ability and overestimate their emotional.” This proved roundly true for us on this vacation and also brought to mind our conversation about cultivating independence in our children. (Lots of great comments on that post!)
+MVP of the trip for me: this little phone sling. It was often all I needed when floating between the units of all of my siblings / buzzing down to the pool / running into town for coffee / etc. Aspen is so small that we were never more than 15 minutes from our condo while in town. I found the sling on The Real Real (solid leather one here), and it’s perfect — carries just a phone, key card, credit card. Strongly recommend something like this for your next resort or small-town vacation. You might also consider this Chanel, this Maison de Sabre (great colors, $160), this Bottega, and – in anticipation of fall – this adorable houndstooth (under $100).
+Another MVP of the trip for me: these bralettes from Negative. So incredibly comfortable. I can’t wear anything else!
+I will also do a whole run-down of my travel beauty approach (some of your comments here pointed me in a new direction), but this multi-moisture mask along with Goop’s 72 hour water cream were musts in the dry alpine air. I brought both in full size and have no regrets.
+Finally, these pieces of luggage all made their flying debut! I am obsessed with all. The suitcases fit A LOT in them (thanks to those packing boards that help you really compress what you’re packing) and have a convenient zippered half that I used to stow all my bulky things (shoes, T3 airbrush — on sale at Nordie’s! — etc). Mr. Magpie also commented multiple times on how well they glide / how easy they are to wheel through an airport. The DD Large Landon tote (on sale at Nordies in gray) was a dream. It has a little flap that enables you to slide it over the handle of your roll-a-board, weighs next to nothing, has a computer slot, carries a ton.
More to come — have a great week, friends!