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This week, I had my first session with a personal trainer. I arrived in a mildly apprehensive state — despite prostrating myself to the writing gods on a daily basis (and, accordingly, enduring routine failures in my efforts), I generally avoid things I know I will be bad (or beginner-level) at, especially where an audience is involved. I find I push myself too hard in order to meet the expectations of others in these types of settings. In general, I think I push myself too hard — overhang from my Type A teen years in a high school environment that prized high achievement. I specifically remember a classmate of mine (whom I adore and still keep in touch with — E, if you’re reading, I see you) who would walk around with a clipboard, highlight and color-code her planner in intriguing and hyper-organized ways to keep tabs on assignments and exams, and keep a thick stack of index cards on hand to drill herself on material between classes. This was high school. I considered the discipline normal, even therapeutic, and desirable. Perhaps all the structure compensated (in ways healthy and not) for the wilderness of my inside world as a teen. Even now, I find I have to consciously coach myself out of a “must get this done at all costs” headspace on a semi-routine basis. It’s a virtue in some situations (I can be a self-directed spartan — a requirement if you are going to write for a living, and work for yourself), but it can be injurious in others. For example, I had a bad head cold earlier this week, and I had to force myself to lay down for 60 minutes even though my body desperately needed it. And when I say Force myself, I mean it. I kept looking at the clock and saying, “In ten minutes, I will lay down…” and then punting the deadline back, despite the fact that I was sweaty and feverish. And I felt guilt (!) about missing a day of exercise owing to the cold since I’ve been so on the ball about it this year. (C’mon, Jen! Let’s create a life baggy enough to live in!). I was able to propel myself through by insisting “you’re where you need to be” once I got into bed. I knew immediately that my body needed the rest and leaned into it.
Anyhow, as I went into my first session, I anticipated scary drills that would exceed my capacity, but was pleasantly surprised by three things: first, the non-judgmental professionalism of my trainer, second, the relief of having someone else do the decision-making for you, and third, the fact that I am stronger than I think. On the first point: I found it easy to take feedback on my form because of the trainer’s straight-forward tone. It almost felt like a neutral force pushing me into the right position. No judgement, no embarrassment, just — “scoop your belly” or “pull this arm in closer” or “flex your foot.” On the second point, I enjoyed the feeling of being shepherded through a range of drills and reps. It was almost like working out on auto-pilot? Like, the moves were challenging, and I am sitting here with aching arms and legs, but at the time, I just went from Point A to Point B because I was told to do so, and an hour of rigorous work evaporated into thin air. Perhaps my people-pleasing ways were, for once, an asset. “You want another crunch? Sure.” “45 second plank? Mhm.” “Move my leg this way? Yes ma’am.” I think this might have been amplified by the sensation of decision fatigue in my personal life. We are responsible for so many decisions every single day! Parenting multiplies the decision points by a trillion. Should I push her to hurry up and finish her breakfast because we’re running behind, or will that agitate her unhelpfully? Maybe she needs the extra fuel today? We’re out of apples, should we do kiwis or bananas for breakfast ? What did I pack in their lunches again — don’t want to be too redundant on the fruit offered. (These exact thoughts actually took place in the span of 1.1 seconds this morning. Just one second, casually packed with thirty five prompts and related decisions. Oy!) Anyhow, what a treasure to be in a situation in which I was the raw material being passed through someone else’s decision-making process. My body was working, but my mind was at rest. Finally, I enjoyed a major ego boost because the trainer conducted some initial strength/stability/agility assessments and told me “for someone who thinks she’s not very strong and only occasionally works out, you’ve got great core strength, balance, and body awareness.” (!!!) I felt like a million bucks! I share this not to self-aggrandize but to say — the same is probably true of you. I had discounted the benefit of having tried lots of workouts over the years (yoga, pilates, barre, cycling); because I haven’t stuck with any of them, and I had always heard that “you lose muscle tone / memory within a week if you don’t keep at it,” I considered those temporary practices fossils from the past, with no bearing on my present wellness or strength. But in fact — ! I did carry a lot from those former experiences, especially in the realm of balance and body awareness, into the fitness room this week. I know how to isolate muscles and best practices for stabilizing (bend knee, focus on core muscles, lock eyes somewhere a few feet in front of you) and am overall familiar with the feeling of powering through when your muscles are shaking. So for anyone feeling like you’re starting at square one because you haven’t taken a fitness class in years, you’re not. You’re already better primed than you think, and probably stronger than you think, too! As we say: onward…!
Another random insight from the week: do you ever find yourself absolutely sprinting through tasks because they feel like they’re “getting in the way” of your real work (as a mom, as an employee, as an entrepreneur)? Things like filling out forms, ordering Valentines for your child to hand out in class, responding to emails, following up on insurance claims, completing performance reviews? Here’s something I’ve been telling myself a lot lately: “This is the job.” Not to say that we shouldn’t work at a rigorous pace, and not to Pollyanna it (no one ever wants to call an insurance company), but just to dispel that grating voice telling me “hurry up so you can get your real job started.” I’m doing my real job. This is the job. Identifying the tasks that occasionally feel like interruptions as “the real work” immediately changes my outlook.
Other things this week…
+Mr. Magpie rolled out fresh pasta for pasta bolognese this week. I was reminded, while he was doing this on a week night, how many different types of love there are. Cooking is one such. I made a little video of him making the pasta here with some of those words transposed over top, and a few of you noticed that he’s wearing the Yellowstone shirt we all bought our husbands for Christmas.
Mr. Magpie always compares and blends multiple recipes, and he primarily consults with these two cookbooks for all things pasta: Missy Robbins and Oretta Zanini de Vita. We use an old-fashioned, creaky hand-crank pasta roller from Imperia, and he achieved the zig-zag trim on the noodles using these beautiful handmade wooden and brass pasta cutters I found on Etsy a few years ago. I love that they’re called “nonna’s cutters.” By the way, the bundle of these items (along with Typo 00 flour — the type most pasta makers use) would make a great gift for a cook!
+These handmade “ripple bowls” (seen above) from Haand still spark such joy. They have a funky organic shape but are the perfect size and depth for pasta, rice bowls, anything with a little sauce. In the background, we plated a roasted squash that Mr. Magpie topped with sage, hot honey, and parm on these salad plates from the same brand.
+I was deeply moved by the comments, emails, DMs about this post on worrying. So many words of encouragement and tonic that I needed to hear. One Magpie shared this quote: “God gives grace for the situation, not the imagination.” She added: “That is to say, it’s easy to get worried thinking about the future, and we can forget that God will be with each at each step, giving us the grace we need. I often repeat this to myself.” Thank you, friends.
+Nike (!! true pinch me moment!!) reached out and offered to send me a few things to help with my fitness journey and I cannot wait for them to arrive so I can work out in pieces that are highly functional and also stylish. One thing I absolutely needed was a pair of non-running / more general gym/training shoes! I have multiple pairs of these running shoes that I love but my trainer pointed out that these are designed for forward motion and that my ankle was often near-rolling when I was doing side-steps / side-lunges / etc. I picked these out, along with these leggings, this sports bra, this tee, and some more socks. A mood-elevating pink moment for the training sessions. I also picked up this cropped tee specifically for stationery bike days in my home and this thermal half-zip for cold weather running. (Thank you, Nike — you could have knocked me over with a feather when they reached out.)
+On related front: I did a review of all of my favorite leggings here earlier this week, and I’m now moving on to find the perfect pair of sweats. The Vuoris (sweatshirt / sweatpants) arrived and I don’t think they’re it for me. I’ll do a full review and comparison but I don’t love the clinginess of the fabric and I feel like the length of the sweatshirt paired with the joggers looks frumpy rather than chic? At the same time, I’m thinking I’ll keep the hoodie to wear on its own because it’s got a nice, light, layerable weight and I’m for some reason in love with the strings from the hoodie? I will say these joggers did work on me despite the fact that I’m short (5’0) because of the “anklet” cinching bottom. I don’t know, now that I’m reviewing the photos, I’m like, “maybe these do have a place in my closet?” What are your thoughts?
+A little reminder that Danrie is running an amazing sale at the moment, and they’re offering an extra 20% off sale prices this weekend. I shared all my favorites here; the extra discount means you can get this beautiful winter parka from one of my favorite children’s brands (Northern Classics) for a scoch over $65. They generously sent me a few pieces from the sale, and I’m especially excited about the jacket for mini and this Bobo Choses elephant set for my boy. I mentioned this earlier this week, but I have a few items from that brand — spendy, but I always feel like my kids look like fancy French kids whose parents work cool jobs in the music industry when they wear them. Ha!
+In the background above, the sweetest Petite Plume sheets. I have to say, my daughter was ecstatic when she came home and the bed was made up with them. She threw her arms around me and said “thank you so much mommy!” (!!!) and was upset when I told her I’d need to launder them this weekend. “Will they still be as soft after?!” So, we’re big Petite Plume bedding fans in these parts.
+You can also see a little cuff from my new La Ligne sweater. I’m so into an exaggerated cuff these days! Also love the ones on this sweater I wore earlier this week, from G. Label, and the Toteme one I wore last week. (Speaking of, the turtleneck version of the Toteme sweater would be one of my top picks from this roundup of wardrobe basics. Have heard a few expecting Magpie mamas treated themselves to it and wore it heavily throughout pregnancy with leggings. Obviously can be worn PP too!)
+Speaking of laundry: just your quarterly reminder to clean the washing tub with one of these packets. I just used up my last one and re-ordered. Absolute magic. I can usually smell when I need to use one — the tub of the washing machine will smell slightly mildewy or just off. This takes care of business in an hour.
+Do you ever have one of those moments where your kids leave the house and you’re busy tidying up and you think, “oh wait, I have two little kids? I’m a mom? How did this happen?” I sort of snap out of my quotidian routine and can’t believe I’m here. I blinked and I have a six and four year old! I had that moment today when I looked down at the pile of pajamas at my feet after I’d shepherded them out the door. May I add that four is the absolute sweetest age? My son was joyful when he realized we had matching pajamas. I know this sweetness cannot persist; soon it will be deeply uncool to match with mom.
+Above, wearing the new mint heart Lake Pajamas. I had hoped to save the kids’ pairs as a surprise for Valentine’s Day, but they saw them and begged, and I acquiesced. Wearing mine with my beloved Weezie robe. Truly one of my most treasured possessions.
P.S. Notes on making really good cocktails at home.
P.P.S. How do you make a big life decision?
P.P.P.S. The story of us. (And also, the summer I fell in love, and the summer of malcontent.)