Here is something:
in the fall, I think about school, and specifically high school,
and when I think about high school, I think about this one stretch of wood-slatted balcony that skirted the quadrangle on our campus, and my friend Elizabeth running across it with me. I don’t know if it’s one memory, or a composite of multiple. We were on the way to class, or we were late for class, or we walked that route daily, or we didn’t. But we were young and mirthful and together. Elizabeth died when I was 25, and now I must find her there, in the off-handed recoleta of my high school years, instead of in my texts, or on a Christmas card pinned to my fridge, or at Aventino for happy hour.
But I was thinking the other day, when someone asked where I went to high school, and I visited with her for a brief and mute millisecond, how high school has turned into her. How “Visitation” has become shorthand for “Elizabeth.” And how maybe this is one way we grieve, by turning places into the people we loved and lost. It is my subconscious reminding me to find her. A cartography of the heart.
There is a fantastic line in J.D. Salinger’s haunting short story, “A Girl I Knew,” in which he writes:
“Probably for every man there is at least one city that sooner or later turns into a girl. How well or how badly the man actually knew the girl doesn’t necessarily affect the transformation. She was there, and she was the whole city, and that’s that.”
How many places become people in our lives?
Elizabeth is high school; my father is Aspen; Meredith is London;
Landon is the state of Virginia, the entire mid-Atlantic — the world map for that matter.
Post-Scripts.
+On being tender with myself in grief.
Shopping Break.
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+I wore this blouse to recess duty at my children’s school last week, and one of the other moms asked where I got it, and said: “I can never find good, interesting tops like that.” I am on it! A few other blouses that are great to pair with everyday jeans for a little extra something:
+Fun fall statement pants. (Also love my Julia Amory Babes! Mine are the brown ikat, but they also released a great navy pattern. And did you see their new dupioni mini skirts? So cute for fall with a chunky knit. You can get 15% off a Julia Amory with JEN-15)
+This truffle popcorn and these Swedish candies are my current favorite snacks.
+I just learned that Rothys was founded by a relative of one of the parents in my son’s class! I have never tried their shoes but have always been intrigued. I like these brown pointed toe Mary Janes, and they have a new Birk-like clog for at-home / walking the dog / getting the mail / taking the trash out that looks dreamy. I’ve been trying to figure out what I’ll wear for such brief outdoor excursions in the cold weather instead of the trusty Birk Arizonas I keep at my door…
+If you’re in the market for a classic navy blazer, J. Crew just released a great one. I have this blazer in a white summer-weight material and the fit is absolute perfection.
+Another great kiwi/chartreuse find – this one under $60.
+This under $200 sherpa vest reminds me of the Ulla Johnson Hayes coat!
+Ordered this denim skort for my daughter.
+Joe’s Jeans invited me to pick a few items from their fall collection and I cannot wait to style this skirt. I want to pair it with cashmere, suede, silk? All the different textures! Look for less with this skirt.
+Love this hair spray.
+I am Alice Walk’s biggest fangirl. Love the look of this cashmere button-front sweater. The best colors! I find everything I get from them is in HEAVY rotation in my daily wardrobe. Just fantastic elevated staples that fit exactly how you want them to fit.
+OK this wrap sweater looks like a dream for chilly weekends. I immediately imagined sitting in an adirondack around a fire at night.
+Thinking ahead…this is what I want to wear to Christmas.