A few days ago, an influencer I follow on Instagram, Meghan Guffey, talked about her belief in “not sticking to a niche.” She said: “You don’t have to be a creator or businesswoman in a specific category and ‘stay in your lane.’ Don’t let anyone make you feel otherwise.”
Yes. First: a woman contains multitudes. We can re-make ourselves or draw out elements of our personalities and interests previously hidden at any moment. Like, is there anything more thrilling than discovering a girlfriend’s hidden and fascinating private passion? I love a friend with layers, with texture, who shares one day that she knows a lot about midcentury furniture or contributes in her spare time to coffee nerd Reddit thread or was a competitive tennis player as a teen “and sometimes still hits the ball around.” You are not one-dimensional. You are not confined to the career path you chose at 18, or relegated to only one hobby, or hemmed in by the interests of those around you. You can like what you like, and you can start doing it today.
But also: lane changing. Yes. My entire career has been a series of lane changes, and I know I have more to make. I still nurture big ambitions and see before me a lot of wood to chop. But I am both satisfied with and motivated by where I am today, which is to say — grateful that I had the gumption and questionably outsized confidence to make those big and scary changes when I did. It gets easier the more you do it. I realized that most of the critics with whom I war-gamed were louder in my mind. The truth is: most people are too focused on their own lanes to care or comment on the maneuvers you’re making. (Think of the howling wolves!) And if they do have something nasty or critical or undermining to say, well — let’s just say I’ve come to realize that many people cope by way of projection. And as Dylan Moran put it: “People will kill you over time, and how they’ll kill you is with tiny, harmless phrases, like ‘be realistic.'”
In other words — keep going! Make the change! Don’t be ‘realistic’! Would you rather the pain of being stuck or of growth? Any time I feel wildly out of my depth, I remind myself that most leaps forward are accommodated by temporary and occasionally excruciating discomfort. When I first published fiction on Magpie, I was physically ill with nerves. I don’t think I slept the night before. I kept re-reading the draft over and over again. I punted its publication back several times. It probably barely registered to most of my readers, but sharing that chapter represented an enormous threshold for me, as I’d been telling myself for years, “You are not a fiction-writer. You are an essayist. You are not qualified. Stay in your lane.” There’s something to be said for honing a particular and narrow craft, acquainting yourself thoroughly with its requisite tools, but my God! I was cramming myself into a closet no one told me I had to be in, silently policing my own interests.
I’m telling you, friends, life is short. A couple of close friends have lost their parents in the past year and I sit with them and feel as though time is just slipping through our fingers.
There are miles to go before I sleep —
!!!
Post-Scripts.
WOW, I am revved up today — but wanted to share two adjacent quotes that also get me going:
“I get up every morning determined to both change the world and have one hell of a good time. Sometimes this makes planning my day difficult.” – E.B. White
“I didn’t set out to be unusual or different. I just wanted to do things my way.” – Lilly Pulitzer
+On people pleasing and being weird.
+On recognizing the effort people put in.
+Make whatever you’re doing ‘the most important thing.’
Shopping Break.
+Eyeing this green striped dress for hot summer days. Will go perfectly with my new Dans La Main tote (I have in the green).
+Love this “strength” coin necklace — a good talisman for tough times. I own this similar “joy” coin necklace from Jane Win and wear it all the time. It really is a good reminder for me to seek out moments of joy in my everyday life. I love it! She has it in other motifs, too!
+Matches just further reduced a number of its sale items. Please, someone snag one of the Thierry Colson dresses! I am so sad I missed out when first marked down in my size. Other great snags that are a part of the reductions:
THIS JOHANNA ORTIZ (UNDER $225!)
THIS ADORABLE ANYA HINDMARCH TOTE (50% OFF)
THE MOST GORGEOUS FISHERMAN SANDALS
CHLOE NAMA SNEAKERS!
+A great (inexpensive) tote for family outings — love the structure! Great for schlepping things to park/playground/pool.
+These baking dishes are so chic — would love to serve a peach cobbler out of one this summer. These would also make a fabulous gift for newlyweds or couple friends.
+I have a pearl-trim cardigan super similar to this one — love it in the blue!
+Janie and Jack has so many cute items on mega sale at the moment. How cute is this little baby kimono onesie with matching leggings? Also love these tiny gingham shortalls for infant boys, somehow only $14!
+Love this mirror for a girl’s room.
+THE CHICEST hammock! Dying! I didn’t know I would ever want a hammock until I saw this.
+My daughter — who has grown increasingly picky about her clothing — loves this terry cloth polo dress.
+Cute pink polo dress for us.
+Two really sweet floral dresses: this Tuckernuck and this Faithfull.
+This embroidered skirt is SO cute.