Good morning! This weekend, just a day or two after we put away the Halloween pumpkins and decor, I will be attending a holiday bazaar held by my high school alma mater. It’s an annual tradition that serves as “the soft launch” for the holidays. I think because the first half of October felt like the wind-up to our trip to Italy and the second half was in Italy, I’m shocked that we’re approaching the doorway to the holiday season? But I was thinking about how once November gets underway, it feels like a slip and slide into Christmas. And I wanted to take a minute to set the table by republishing an essay about the occasional strain and fracas of the holiday season, and how an unsavory event last year helped me recalibrate. Onward! It’s never the cream!
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This week, I underwent the harrowing annual experience of a Thanksgiving week Whole Foods visit. Even when we plan our Thanksgiving meal prep with militaristic precision, there are still things we forget, or (in this case) weekend logistics that get in the way of the best laid plans.
The lot was gridlocked. I found myself waiting, with my signal on, for a woman to get into her car so I could take her spot. The driver behind me laid on the horn, likely not seeing that I was waiting for this woman to turn on her lights and reverse out of the spot. I sat there for what felt like an eternity (but was in actuality under 30 seconds) waiting for the car to back out while this woman honked and gesticulated with increasing wildness behind me. I pointed to the spot, and tried to yell back: “She’s coming out!” and the woman screamed back: “There are other spots, lady!” I did not see any in my immediate vicinity, and at this point, the car was reversing. I finally pulled in and the driver behind me careened around, yelling obscenities out the window in my general direction. Nervously, I walked into the Whole Foods and immediately saw the angry driver enter the store behind me. I found myself waiting for punishment as I skittishly selected my carrots and brussels sprouts. When I stole a look at the woman, I could tell she was pretending not to see me. It is so much easier to unleash frustration on someone when you are not face to face. For a split second, I contemplated approaching her with some kind of message, but what was there to say? The likelihood a confrontation in the supermarket would yield anything good was next to nil. (I thought, too, of Mr. Magpie’s frequent adage when encountering a situation where it appears that one party has bats in the belfry: “D.N.E.” or “Do not engage.”) Moreover, I was, frankly, relieved that she chose not to engage with me. After, I found myself walking around the shop as though on tenterhooks. When I returned home, I was unloading the groceries and Mr. Magpie held up the $8 bottle of fancy cream I’d bought for the mashed potatoes. “Why’d you get half and half?” he asked. “We need cream.” I burst into tears on the spot.
He knew, of course, it wasn’t the cream. It’s never the cream.
I stood there, wilted. A swarm of thoughts surrounded me, and I took some time to filter through them while putting pen to journal paper. Below, some insights that I am burnishing as I head into the holiday season, when stress levels can run high and interactions with others can run amok.
My first rivulet of thought was: how could I let a total stranger upset me in this way? I do not think I did anything wrong, but — at worst — I introduced a thirty second delay into her life, and her response was disproportionate. I rationally see that I should be able to let her aggression bounce right off me, as it was unmerited and seemingly blindly directed. This reminds me of one of themes I have returned to month after month in my mid-to-late 30s, as I try to unstrap myself from the habit of self-blame: You cannot control the behavior of others. Her flare-up said little about me and a lot about her.
My second, and more generous, thought: the holidays can be stressful, and people act in weird ways during them. I should give her a grace note and move on with my life. Maybe she was about to hit the road for a ten hour drive and I was inching her closer to rush hour. Maybe it’s the first Thanksgiving she’s spending on her own. Trust me, I can invent a thousand sob stories that will sufficiently fill in the blank. It is hard, though, to extend that kind of understanding when you are offered something entirely different. Still, it’s a north star, and something I hope to keep in the front of my mind during this season in particular. This is a time that calls for a gentle headspace.
Third, the fact that I burst into tears over this altogether minor scenario suggests I need to prioritize rest. This feels next to impossible to accomplish this week, with plans chock-a-block, but I came across a quote a few weeks ago that said: “Rest is more than napping on the sofa. Rest is anything that makes our nervous systems feel safe enough for our stress responses to switch off so our minds and bodies can recover and restore.” I am sitting here, drawing up a mental list of what those things might be — an early bedtime, a light-hearted book, taking a break from my desk to drop off a little gift I picked up from Whole Foods for a neighbor.
Which brings me to my final thought: we publish the good news. Yesterday, I took my children to see a staged performance of “A Year with Frog and the Toad” (an adaptation of the series by Arnold Lobel) at Imagination Stage. It was adorable, with clever sets and silly lyrics and actors who gave it their all. The performance tracks frog and toad around a calendar year, cycling through all the seasons, and ends with a darling Christmas cheer song that felt like the perfect way for us to ease into the holidays. My children were transfixed! The only reason I knew about this performance was because one of my neighbors generously offered us four tickets. I do not know this particular neighbor very well and was touched that she’d thought of us. I sat in the theater and thought how special it was to watch my son double over in laughter, and climb onto my lap during “the scary part,” and kick off the holiday season in this festive way, all because of my neighbor’s generosity.
I have a point: I could either headline the Whole Foods visit as “The Time a Stranger Yelled at Me” or “The Time I Went to Buy My Neighbor a Thank You Gift for Treating My Family to a Special Holiday Performance.” I think we all know the one that sticks. We publish the good news.
I’m wishing you all the happiest, coziest holiday season, but if you anticipate or find turbulence, I’m giving you a little squeeze and hoping some of my takeaways above might help smooth things out.
Onward!
Post-Scripts.
+A podcast on apologies that blew my mind.
+Give yourself a soft landing when you need it!
+Pertinent in the holiday seaason: how to fill your cup when you’re short on time.
+Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.
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Shopping Break.
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+Fun statement sweater for $104, drafting off the popularity of the scoat and other Toteme-scarf-creations.
+Hotel Lobby just dropped its holiday collection! The Holiday one will absolutely sell out. Just ordered mine. They also included a votive set with mini versions of their best-selling scents. A really chic gift…for yourself. Hehe. I love the idea of keeping one at my desk while writing in the morning.
+Love all of Aligne’s Gabriella dresses (I own a denim one), but especially this cord style! Runs really generous — size down a size or two. More sizes here!
+This cashmere turtleneck arrived (I got in navy) and I’m completely hooked. It’s ultra-soft (not scratchy in the least) and ultra-thin — adds no bulk. A perfect winter base layer. You can use code JEN15 for 15% off. If the price is too steep, try this $59 option from Intimissi. StyledbyJerri was just raving about these!
+OK, this faux suede skirt (under $100) is wildly chic.
+I saw one of the moms at soccer wearing this capelet in white with Alo leggings in toasted almond and she looked SO chic.
+Philip Lim generously sent me this bag, which is currently 70% off as a part of their sample sale, plus an extra 20% off with code JOY20, meaning you pay $220 for a bag that retailed for almost $900. It’s SO CHIC. I had a lot of Instagram Magpies ask me if there is a longer strap to wear over shoulder — there is not, so take that under advisement. However, the larger size appears to fit over shoulder.
+Everlane is offering 30% off sweaters, coats, and boots. I can’t implore you more to try their liner jackets while only $125. I have one I got maybe five years ago that I still wear season after season. It fills such a great void in my closet — a lighter top layer over a shirt when not too chilly, but can also fit over a sweater when temps drop. Also comes in a longer version that my mom owns and loves. And a great time to snag those riding boots at a discount! (I included these in my roundup of great riding boots.)
+Only a few of the Alice Walk wool capes left! I just wore mine yesterday to Mass. Truly the chicest top layer for this time of year. These always sell out. A great investment piece.
+Happy Ugg season. I still love these ultra-minis I bought last year. (I have in the olive color.)
+Love the color of these Adidas Handball Spezials.
+A great look for less for La Ligne stripes.
+But speaking of La Ligne, I have to say I just love love love their Mini Marin sweater. I own several different styles they make and these are just top top top for me. I wear this stripe (in olive/black) or this solid (in red) at least 1-2x a week. SO soft and perfect fit for us petites, especially while wearing my dramatic and wide leg silhouettes this season.