Image above via.
Earlier this week, I shared my account of a sour experience with a fellow grocery shopper, and I was deeply touched by the outpouring of solidarity and grace that came my way via email, direct message, and comment. Clearly, the incident of casual stranger rudeness was neither isolated nor unusual, and so many of you had profound and encouraging perspectives to share on navigating these unpleasantries. One of my favorite responses came from Deborah:
“The woman in the parking lot no doubt has her own (crazy) story. And the mashed potatoes will be wonderful—with heavy cream or half and half or milk or even a vegan substitute. Just breathe.
I am probably your mother’s age and awaiting the arrival of my own (lovely) daughter and her family and just realized I am missing key ingredients for the tamales. (Side dish/long story/I’m in California). After a brief collapse into bed and tears I thought of Instacart (not used since the height of Covid). And as my husband said—it doesn’t matter. Anything is going to be fine. And in fact anything will be perfect. It’s not about the cream. It’s about love.”
What I loved about this reply was its trade-up of my phrase “it’s not about the cream.” In my musing, I’d written that phrase to suggest that it’s often the superficial, stupid thing that leads me to burst into tears, not the root issue. Many years ago, I suffered a miscarriage (I still cannot write directly about this — one day, maybe), and on our way out of the hospital, Mr. Magpie accidentally stepped on my foot. I absolutely lost it. I remember Mr. Magpie had to more or less prop me up in the parking lot. It wasn’t the stepping on the toe. It was the enormous iceberg of grief beneath. Anyhow, the same goes for the Whole Foods incident, and my accidental grabbing of the half-and-half instead of the cream. When Mr. Magpie pointed out that I’d gotten the wrong thing, tears streamed down my face — but it wasn’t the cream. It was the casual cruelty of a stranger. This Magpie, though, took that phrase and bent it in the other direction. It’s not the cream, or the stranger in the parking lot, or the Thanksgiving dish we messed up. It’s none of that. Or, let’s not let it be any of that. Let’s think about the bigger picture, and all we have to be happy for, and let the rest fall by the wayside.
This ties in perfectly with my observation, in the “It’s never the cream” post, that: “we publish the good news.” It’s up to us find and advertise the good stuff. To write the headlines that connect us to one another.
And that’s exactly what we did, together, this past week. We turned an unpleasant interaction into a beautiful cascade of exchanges in which women offered one another grace and support. And that’s what we do constantly here. This is the Magpie ethos, the well from which you enable me to draw. When I respond to your lovely notes, I often add: “I am so grateful for your readership. I do not take it lightly, and I am deeply flattered that you invite me into your days.” Let me add to those sentiments of gratitude by saying:
Thank you for publishing the good news with me.
Grateful for you, Magpies. Now, off to ruin a Thanksgiving dish and publish the good news while I’m doing it!
Post-Scripts.
+If you’re reading this Thanksgiving morning, just a reminder that I put together jazzy Thanksgiving playlists on Spotify and Apple, and have my favorite Thanksgiving prayer here. I also have a special holiday email going out to email subscribers next Friday, and in it, I include a holiday playlist. Sharing today (Apple, Spotify) in case you, like me, start listening to holiday music on Thanksgiving! Why does it spark such joy imagining us listening to the same songs?
+Speaking of music — do you have “emergency music“? What about “house music“?
+If you are alone or working on Thanksgiving, I see you! One way to feel less alone: introduce yourself by answering some of these fun icebreakers (more here) and enjoy getting to know the cast of characters that is the Magpie community by reading through the fabulous responses.
If you want more Magpie, you can subscribe to my Magpie Email Digest for a weekly roundup of top essays, musings, conversations, and finds.
Shopping Break.
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+Shared lots of great early Black Friday shopping here, here, and here.
+Yesterday, Julia Amory released a 35% off sitewide promotion (no code required, discount applied in cart). New arrivals are excluded, but the sale IS included, so I finally got my hands on one of her coatue caftans! I’d been eyeing all last summer. I got this one in the fun chartreuse color for our trip to Mexico in January — its $155 with the extra 35% off! Some patterns of her classic shirtdresses (so comfortable and chic!) are only $104 with extra discount. And her Majorelle caftan was one of my most-worn dresses in the hottest months last summer — so lightweight and body-skimming.
+Leset just launched a 30% off sitewide promotion — this means you can get all the tees I keep raving about at a discount, including the LS version of the pointelle tee in either black or white, the Kelly tee, and more. This is my favorite brand for elevated tees. I do think they run a tad small. If in question, size up. I take an XS in everything but it does run fitted (especially the Kelly).
+One Black Friday promotion I did not yet cover is Veronica Beard’s — an extra 25% off sale prices with code THANKS25. This means the denim blazer I’ve been wearing all season long is now about 50% off. Outerwear and blazers are VB’s bread and butter — they excel at them, and they are beautifully made and tailored — and this tweed blazer (on sale plus extra 25% off) will be a forever piece. Finally, this black gown will be your go-to black tie dress for the rest of your life. SO FLATTERING and elegant. You can see me in my gold version of the dress here. With the extra 25% off, it’s $315, which feels like a great price for a forever dress.
+Not on sale, but I cannot stop thinking about this spectacular top.
+I’ve been updating my Amazon Black Friday deals section. I noticed that a bunch of HP printers are discounted. Unfortunately, this does not include the HP Tango X printer that several of you raved about a few weeks ago — I agree with your (collective) assessment that it is the most attractive printer I’ve ever laid eyes on and I wouldn’t mind having it out? But ome of the HP printers that are included in the BF deals are also pretty attractive — like this one. Also, this scented dish soap is divine. I haven’t tried Caldrea’s other scents, but they have a bunch of counter sprays included in the promotion that sound lovely.
+The 12 days of Christmas clutch! SWOON! This is the kind of piece you wear every year and your kids and grandkids associate you with it forever.
+Do not ask me why or how, but Westman Atelier foundation drops / sticks are on sale for 30% off here. Never seen them discounted like this.
+A lot of the items in my gift guides for men, women, and children are discounted this week. I’ve not yet really started holiday gift shopping. Hoping to sit down tomorrow and knock some of it out. I have ideas on what I want to get everyone (sorry for those friends/family members who read my blog and therefore have guesses as to what I’ll be buying…)
+Have been wanting a set of these candles for my tree for years now. Think I might buy this weekend.
+My children love having seasonal, special jammies, and they have quite the lineup this year: these Petite Plumes (20% off), these Lakes (25% off — for mini), these Gaps (for micro — currently $10?!), and these Little English nutcrackers (40% off with BLACKFRIDAY).