Last week, my children participated in the annual Christmas pageant at their parochial school. They were radiating with excitement — to be on stage, to be seen! And to have had multiple rehearsals during the school day in the Church in the days leading up to it. I can remember the exact crescendoing excitement from my own Catholic school youth — the way the practices felt a bit like playing hooky from class; the disruption of routine; the aura of Christmas anticipation. December teaches us to delight in the wait.
I will, however, admit that I was privately feeling lukewarm about the performance; my main memory from the past two years of attending is that the show runs long, and my children are very tired and cranky by the end. However, this year proved different. It felt that we blinked and were ushering our children back into the cold December night. I realized afterward that this was the first year I hadn’t had our younger child in the pew with us; he is now old enough to be a part of the performance. And so of course the past few Christmas pageants had felt long, because we’d had a squirmy little boy sitting with us, simultaneously itching to move his body and ready for bed. The realization left me wistful. Just another invisible motherhood milestone that quietly passed me by. I see that I am now out of the years in which a child sits on my lap at Church. I no longer have to pre-pack snacks and activities, and to keep my eye on the progression of the program (“how many more songs do we have?!”). I often bristle at the maudlin parenting commentary that tells us: “you’re going to miss this phase…!” and yet here I am, thinking how lucky I was to have a little boy in my lap just a year ago, wiggling and dropping the kneeler and occasionally relaxing into my arms. So I’m paying attention this year. I’m trying to soak up my children as they are: wide-eyed and sugar-high and complaining about itchy collars and sneaking extra cookies. I am also taking a moment to soak up my parents as they are, and my siblings as they are. There is this entirely relatable trope enshrined in movies like “Christmas Vacation” where the family descends upon the holidays with all of their idiosyncrasies and demands and weirdnesses, and snarky humor ensues, but also — what if this were the last Christmas your aunt arrived with the fruit cake no one wants, or your cousin wore the ironic Christmas sweater? Not trying to be morbid, but even just — situations change; people move; we grow out of traditions we once loved; siblings marry and visit with in-laws instead. I am trying to sink into this Christmas and appreciate it exactly as it arrives — slightly rushed, slightly over-stimulated, slightly messy. Let me hold it while I may.
Merry Christmas, Magpies!
P.S. What I’m wearing to open Christmas presents this morning: these Mrs. Claus jammies. I absolutely love the shape; they have other patterns/prints that are less Christmasy.
P.P.S. My boots arrived and I’m in love. I styled them in a winter whites look here. Look for less from H&M here, and a similar vibe for under $80 here! A Magpie reader also emailed me to let me know that Target has the cutest lookalike pair for toddlers here! And H&M has a similar pair for kids here, too.
P.P.P.S. I’ve been on a total skincare buying bender. We talked about dermaplaning earlier this year but I never jumped on the bandwagon until this past week, when I ordered one of the dermplaning tools by Stacked. Stay tuned. Also picked up these viral “glass skin” masks! But my favorite mask combo for a big night out (I was reminded of this earlier this week when I applied this combo before a cocktail party we hosted): Clarins depuffing on from the undereyes down to the neck and this cleansing mask on the forehead. I swear it gives you the tightest, firmest, happiest, glowiest skin ever. (BTW, I really like that Omorovicza brand. I have also been using their miracle oil during these dry winter months to double down on hydration and it is magic as well.)